Take me and my four daughters. Now that the teenagers are growing up and turning into young women, not one of them has the same body shape as me. Body shape is not something I ever really thought about until I started to pile on the pounds a few years back, I just never really thought about it, but the weight has not distributed itself evenly over my body and I now find myself in the "apple" category which is apparently the most dangerous type from a health point of view, as the fat surrounds all of your vital organs, whereas if you are pear shape the fat can do no harm to your hips and thighs and because they have slim faces and smaller busts, they always look thinner, don't you think?
I had my first child when I was 26 and before I gave birth to her, I was a size 10 and eight and a half stone and back in those days I used to refer to myself as "thick waisted". The reason for this was my Suits for the office. If I bought a skirt that fitted nicely on the hips, it was always a little tight on the waist and if it fitted comfortably on the waist, it was too big on the hips. Fitted tailored summer dresses which always looked so nice and smart with heels for the office, were always tight on the bust and waist area if they fitted nicely on the hips and if comfortable on the top half of the garment, too big, again on the hips.
So I find myself with all the excess weight around the top half of my body, from the hips right up to my chin and take one size, sometimes two sizes bigger in a top, than I do in a bottom. The introduction of "Hipsters" meant that I didn't really notice the weight going on, as my hips are no bigger now than they were 10 years ago, before I had my Little Man and as I have mostly been wearing a casual, stay at home Mum, kind of wardrobe consisting of jeans and t-shirts, this has meant that I just looked in the mirror one day and thought "what the fuck?".
I am not the proud owner of any weighing scales, which I realise now is a huge mistake. Had I have been weighing myself regularly over the last 10 years than it may have been easier to deal with losing a few pounds, rather than now, when the situation requires losing a few stone, which just won't shift even if I cut out, chocolate, biscuits, bread and potatoes. I must be the only person who has joined Slimming World and put on weight! I prefer the green days you see and all that pasta and potatoes - oh no, it doesn't suit Moi!
So now on to my girls and the proof that none of them will end up with my figure - Thank God!
Daughter one - The Classic Pear.
Seriously scary for me, because she has yet to have children. At the age of 17 she gave up Dance which she had been doing since she was a little girl and also passed her driving test and gradually the weight has crept on. A classic pear shape, which means although she has put weight on her upper body, her hips and the top of her legs are much bigger. She can't fit into any of my jeans as she just can't get them over the top of her legs. She has to buy hers from Gap and always in a boyfriend, slouchy style to accomodate this problem area. I sometimes wonder if it is not harder to dress this body shape.
Daughter Two - The Ironing Board.
As a baby I used to call her "skinny rabbit bottom" because when I changed her nappy, it seemed like she had no bum! This is the one with the model girl figure (if only she were a couple of inches taller). Any size 8 fits, no matter from what shop, or if bought online and sometimes even a 6 if she really wants it and they don't have her size!. A straight up and down figure with a small bust - Boyish, I guess is the proper name for it - lucky her! In my mind this is the sort of body that after having children will ping straight back like an elastic band to its pre-pregnancy size. Lucky little Bitch!
Daughter Three - The Glamour Girl.
Although she takes the same dress size as her slightly older sister, she has a figure that wouldn't look out of place on Page Three! On her recent holiday to Cyprus with her eldest sister and her friends, Daughter one told me that on the first day as they all derobed around the pool, that the older contingent of the group had their jaws dropping open in amazement at her figure. A 32dd bust, tiny waist but a more meaty backside and top of thigh, than the Ironing Board, but sadly for the Ironing Board, this girl still fits into all her clothes and pinches them frequently (the cause of many arguements now that the IB is home from Uni).
I have in recent years at least been able to realise what I can and can't wear and here are my top tips for apple shaped figures.
- Fitted dresses and pencil skirts are out. Dresses need to flare out from under the bust (your smallest part) or be completely A-Line.
- Avoid Pencil skirts like the Plague! If your belly is not too big and you can still wear a skirt, a tulip or bubble style will balance out the hip area.
- Banish all belts from your accessories drawer except the ones needed to keep your jeans up! If you belt a dress or skirt it will only draw attention to your biggest part - your belly!
- Most apples shapes have good legs, so do show them off, but if over 40, stick with knee length dresses to show off shapely calves. Do wear skinny jeans, bermuda shorts and leggings but team with loose flowing tops.
- Tops must never be tucked in, they must be Tunic styled, flowing and A Line to skim your belly. I do still wear t-shirts but put a waistcoat or cardigan over the top as this helps to disguise the belly overspill!
- Coats - I do have a trench, well you have to don't you? but don't belt it up! Capes are good and there are going to be lots around for the new season, otherwise a Pea Coat or Swing style is best.
What body shape are you and do you have any tips for dressing your kind of figure?